LOVE my followers

Just a super quick post to say thank you for all the kind words and notes! Y'all are just so amazing. I was a little surprised by the comments I got on my last post because they were all on my side, saying I was trying by best & maybe I need to just let some people go. I was almost expecting people to tell me how mean I was being or something.

I wrote that post to get my feelings out but also to try and reach out to the person who the whole story was about. Needless to say, reading her twitter today and her friends twitter confirmed that she isn't the friend I thought she was. I guess she saw my post as a "pity party" when it was intended to be an "olive branch - I'm really sorry" post. At this point I'm going to send her her keychain, with a letter that I doubt I'll get a response to. Part of me still wants to send an email to say sorry again, but then theres the part of me that sees her just bashing me on twitter and being really horrid if I was to try such a thing.

I should be packing for yet another drive to statesboro this weekend. There's just something about this face that makes me want to fly 200 miles down a highway just to see him for 2 days

 

Mawwiage

 

Mawwiage... aka marriage. I'm sure your wondering why a perpetually single girl is doing writing about a topic like marriage. what could she possibly know about marriage?

truth - nothing, I'm not married. & I wont be for a long time. But what I am an expert on is married couples from the view of a single girl.

Let's back up to middle school. Remember when you would sit around and talk about your wedding, but you still thought boys were yucky? Well my friends & I always said we would abandon our husbands for our girlfriends. Moving on to high school, we discovered boys but didn't date much so they were still these foreign creatures. And it was still girls before guys. Then college. Dating begins. And guys become the most important thing in your life. Dating them, flirting with them, all the fun stuff. At some point those boys became more important then friends until you got dumped, then it was girl power all the way.

Now begins life after college. I'm single. I love my friends. I love my friends who are single, who are dating and even the handful I have who are already married. I love hanging out with them in groups, one on one, two on one, whatever. I view my friend's man as part of my friends. I figure if its that serious they need to become part of the group.

I have a few friends who don't see life like that. They only want to spend time with their boyfriend, never their friends. We aren't even on the back burner, we dont exists when hes around. And I HATE that! It drives me up the wall! If hes such an amazing guy he should fit in with your friends and be part of the group. Now I'm not saying never have alone time, but don't cut yourself off from the world because of some guy! If he is going to be your husband isn't it important that your friends like him? I know whats a major factor when I'm seeing someone.

So fast forward a few years to the wedding. They get married, we all cry and hug and congratulate. Now he and she have become a them. They're married. Excellent. I have some amazing married friends (shout outs to y'all).

But recently I was informed that because I am a single female, I really cant be friends with married women. Not because she thinks I'm trying to hook her husband, but because we have different priorities.

This is CRAZY! CRAZY!

We all make life choices, you chose to get married at 23. I chose to not get married. I chose to live at home and work and plan for grad school and date and travel. I have one priority in life, and that's me. My friends & family are a close second. I understand that your husband is your main priority, and that's great, but someone please explain to me why that means we cant be friends?

I have a LOT of married friends. I even have friends who are married with kids. They have VERY different prioritries in life then I do and yet they still want to be friends with me. Maybe because Im on the outside looking in, maybe there isn't something I see. Maybe their was a vow that I missed at the wedding - "now that you are married you will abandon all single friends"

Many of my readers are young married women, do y'all have single friends? Do y'all find it difficult to have friendships with single people?

If there's something I'm missing, like a new rule or something, please let me know. I'll make a point to let all my married friends know that we cant be friends because I am choosing an "alternative lifestyle".

Tell Us How You Really Feel...

I feel like I've failed as a friend this past month. I have been super moody, super snappy, super just not cool. *warning this post is about to get super personal*

I've been on my period for 47 days now. I did the math. Ive been though 4 boxes of tampons & a box of pads. Before this I hadn't had a period in prob 3 months. And no, I'm not on BC or anything like that because I haven't done anything in 3 years. Yes 3. That probably makes me a virgin again.

Between working out the swap issues, and now co-planning & hosting this bridal shower I am about to tear my hair out. Now Im having to orginize some big group trip to savannah this weekend and Im like NO! I dont want to see a bunch of people I hate. I dont want to go to a concert with them. I want to see my friends, visit David's grave and relax! And go to the bridal shower (that Im not planning).

Shall we start at the beginning? 1 1/2 months of a period is like hell. cramps, mood swings, you name it, I deal with it. So since we all know how crummy our period is for a week, imagine 5 1/5 weeks of it with no end in sight? It SUCKS!!!!!

Then lets add in David's death. I cry every night. I cry when I hear songs on the radio like this one:


Like right now, its playing in the background & Im sobbing like a baby. I havnt been to church since I leanred the news. I didnt go easter sunday either. I am so mad at god. How could he take daivd? He was that one guy who I knew would always look at me & see beautiful. He would always love me. He gave the kinds of hugs that last for hours. Who am I gonna call when I cant remember which mall in Savannah has which stores? Who will pick me and Courtney up from River Street at 3am? Whos gonna walk me down the aisle at my wedding if Daddy cant do it? Whos gonna marry me when Im 35 & cant find a hubby?


I want to put a photo of him on my desk at work, but I know I'll lose it every time I see it. I dont know how people get over the loss of a love one. I get so... mad... idk if thats even the right word... sad, mad, upset, jealous when I see happy people now. Even at work, when people call in about their spouses I feel a pain in my heart. How am I ever gonna feel ok?

so lets add on swap stress - I love hosting swaps. dont get me wrong, but when I lose emails and I cant figure out whos who and whats what - STRESS! this one is 100% my fault. I should have canceled it but I felt bad...

And now the wedding shower. Not only is the MOH a MOZ-zilla but shes a bitch. & Im staying with her for the wedding! argh! 4 days! I might kill someone! I already spent $30 on decorations for the party and shes all "I dont think they're gonna go with the theme". really? Its one damn banner & a center piece. and some cute napkins. but NO! they;re all going into a box for the next bachelorette party I throw. Heres the kicker. I dont want to order anything without her OK, so she doesnt freak out, but SHE DOESNT REPLY TO TXT MESSAGES OR EMAILS!!! I need her to take 10 min away from her stupid boyfriend (insert hormonal, lost david emotions here) and just say "yes or no"

And now the kicker - this weekend Im going to statesboro for a relaxing girls weekend and one of my friends is trying to drag me into this big event thing. I dont want to go!!! I dont want to see your stupid band, celebrate your bitchy friend's birthday with you & your fience & her fience! She is a crappy friend! She was a bitch to me & you & IDK why your friends with her. I want to spend my time with people I care about & miss.

I am planning on visiting David's grave. This is gonna be so hard for me. Ive never visited the grave of someone I knew before. Im bringing a huge box of tissues.

You would think after saying all this Id feel better right... nope. I feel just as stressed, just as sad, just as hormonal & mad as 45 min ago when I started this.

I guess I should close by saying Im sorry to those people I have taken all this out on,  my friends, my parents & yall now. I really dont know who to talk to about any of this. I stopped seeing my counselor, God only knows why. I dont pray anymore because when I do I just get mad & sad.

Bottom line is Im a mess. A big fat (oh ya - been trying to get healthy but Im pretty sure Im gaining weight!) emotional mess.

Reach Out To Someone

Yesterday I learned of the death of a very dear friend. I am so numb I cant even believe its real. I was planning to see him in just a few weeks. I've been crying on and off all day. Every little thing reminds me of him. He gave the best hugs, because you always knew he meant it when he hugged you.

This week I am making a point to call all of my friends, send them a letter, something, just to tell them how special and amazing they are and how much I love them. I don't want anyone leaving this earth & not knowing how much I cared for them.

Kate, my high school/church bff & I had a huge fight this fall. We haven't spoken since, which hurts me. I was thinking I was standing up to her bulling by not apologizing first but I am finally realizing it doesn't matter who says sorry first. It doesn't matter that we have almost nothing in common these days, what matters is that were friends and I want her to know how important she is to me.

Im going to write her a letter tonight, telling her how sorry I am and how much I miss being her friend. I hate that it took a death of someone I really loved for all this to click into place, but it did.

My dad offered to take me to church to light a candle for David, but I cant, not yet. First I need to forgive myself for not being a good enough friend to him. I could have called more, visited him, told him how much he meant to me. But now all I can do is look at pictures and remember him.

Today I am issuing a challenge, go through your phone, or your facebook and find 5 people, or maybe even just 1 person, you call a friend but haven't talked to, or you had a fight with. Make an effort to reach out to them and say hi. See how they're doing, go have dinner, or lunch, or coffee if they live near by. Make memories now, take pictures, listen to their voice, hug them extra tight, because you never know when they wont be there anymore.

Friday Confessional

 
I confess..
Giving up dating for lent is WAY harder then I thought it would be!
I confess..
75% of the time I <3 my twitter & blogger friends more then my IRL friends
I confess...
I love underwear shopping!
I confess...
I signed up for an Old Navy credit card to improve my credit score!
What are you confessing today? 

TGIF

Thank God Its Friday! Right now, if this posts right Ill be asleep in my bed. My car will be packed all ready to head to statesboro as soon as I leave work at noon! I NEED this vacation soo bad!

I need to see these beautiful faces:

AT! By BFF

BS - I know, theres 2 of us. Soon to be Mrs. BD!

SW! Soon to be married to my friend AB (also half in the pic)

E! (sad I dont know his last name, brain fart)

PP in pink! Love this girl!

Miss SM! Twitter friend!

I havnt seen most of these people since I moved away, or since I was in the boro a few months ago for homecoming. AT invited me to come down because our favorite man was playing at oue favorite bar!

We are so excited to rock out to Brantly Gilbert!





I dont think Colt Fords gonna be there, but that would be awsome! Gilbert has written a lot of famous songs for bigger artists, and hes on his way up. Love him!

The on saturday, AT & BS & I are hauling butt to

River Street in Savannah Ga

Where we will get one or two or three of these:

Wet Willies Slushie

Then we will hope on one of these & tour around the city, sipping on our drinks, taking a ton of photos and laughing till our sides hurt!

 

And Sunday with AT's family means 2 things, church and sunday dinner. Mrs T makes sunday dinner like I dream of thanksgiving! This was the table last time I visited:

 

YUM! 

What are you doing this weekend? 

Blogging Chalange

So it seems like this is the new things to do. I love these sort of getting to know me things so Im going to do this for the next 10 days-

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten people right now.

Day 2: Nine things about yourself that most people don't know.
Day 3: Eight things you couldn't live without.

Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day 5: Six things you wish you could change or wish you would have never done.
Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you.
Day 7: Four turn offs.

Day 8: Three turn ons.
Day 9: Two words that describe your life right now.
Day 10: One confession.

 Join In!

1. JAB

I just want to say I'm sorry and thank you. Thank you for putting up with all my mood swings and drama and issues for the last 6 weeks since I've been here in Ctown. I'm sorry things have been so difficult for me  being here, I never thought it would be this hard. I have faith that one day we will look back at this time and laugh and remember that its times like these that make us stronger. I love you so very much and I wish there was more I could do for you. I know your birthday wasn't a big deal, because I c0uldnt afford to make it really special, but I promise I will make it up to you :)

2. Mrs JAB (his mom)

I wish I was closer to you and your family. I am glad that you enjoyed your get well soon card and I hope that you really think I'm a keeper for your wonderful son JAB. I wish you would tell your daughter to stop being such a drama crazy bitch, and explain that as a married women with a  baby she shouldn't be doing the things that shes doing. I cant wait to meet you!

3. Mr UWG

To the ass**** who decided I wasnt worthy of the job at UWG I would like to tell you what a major huge mistake you made! You and your school really lost out by not hiring me! I hope that whoever you hired does a good job for the students sake, but they wont have the joy, the drive, the energy or the gumption I have! 

4. Mom

I know you went to an Ivy League college and got your degree in 3.5 years. You worked in corporate America for many years and you were an executive at a very young age. You bought your first car, a BMW at age 25 and you wore channel at least once a week. But I never knew you spent the first year out of college waiting tables. This little fact made me feel much better that I may be working a less then ideal job, but its ok because one day I will have everything I ever wanted (just like you do now). Also - thank you for raising me the way you did. I hope I make you proud

5. All My Married Friends

I cant believe that I have so many of you. I love you all so very much and in some ways I am really jealous of you, you have your prince charming, your happy, you had a big wedding (well one of you did) and now your living with the man of your dreams. There are many days that I wish I was in your shoes, but I am happy I'm not. I am not ready to be married. I am not ready to be settled down. I am still figuring out who I am and what makes me happy. 

6. My blogger/twitter friends

Y'all are amazing! I have always had a hard time making friends, and the ones I do never seem to be that good of friends. I have tried to maintain strong friendships with so many of them, but its really hard. I have never felt so accepted and welcomed and loved by anyone as I do with y'all. When I have a bad day, you are all so supportive and kind, and when I have a good day, your there smiling with me. I wish I could gather you all into a room with buckets of the best campaign and a massive meal so we could all just sit and chat and laugh and love being together! I plan to visit and meet as many of you as I possibly can!

7. Future Boss

I dont know who you are yet but I cant wait to meet you. I want to thank you in advance for giving me the position and to tell you that I will work hard and keep a positive attitude. 

8. Lilly Pulitzer

I am a newbi Lilly Lover and I adore all your things, the prints all make me happy and everything seems like its really high quality. My issue is the sizes, you dont make anything bigger then a 14/16. I am a plus size girl, and yes, Im trying to lose weight and get in shape, but I wont be a 12 for at least another 6+ months. I wish you would make your clothing in plus sizes (and this doesnt mean just going up to 16, but maybe to a 28. I know its shocking but us bigger women also want to wear cute, preppy clothes

9. Chase Crawford

The readers of my blog have no idea who you are or what you have done to me. I have nightmares, even 3+ years later, about you and the things you did. Every time I go to therapy they ask me where all the issues started and your name is what I say. I have to answer peoples questions when they see my ankle, watch the horror in their eyes as they try and wrap their mind around the story I tell me. Each time I start a new relationship I have to tell them about the horrors I have been through. I don't hate you, I despise you. I dearly hope and pray that you will never have a happy day for the rest of your days. I hope you suffer like you have caused me to suffer. A person like you should never call themselves a man, or even a human being. You don't deserve that respect. 

10. My 1st Blog Swap Partner

I want you to know that I think your a major Bit**! I was so excited to be a part of MRM's swap. I made up the cutest box for you and spent all the extra $$ I had to make it wonderful. I waited and waited and waited to receive my swap box but I never did :( I was so hurt and upset. I have considered sending you a note in the mail to tell you all these things, but Im not going to. Just remember karma's a bitch. 

Life Update

After looking at my phone to figure out what day it is I figured I might as well drag myself to my laptop and write a post about my life at the moment. I went home to Atlanta for the weekend, just to get away from this horrible town. I drove over an hour to meet a women who said she wanted to take Rhett (according to my apartment I cant have him any more and I owe them $250 + they might decide to evict me). She changed her mind when she saw that he needed to be groomed.

I went shopping and bought some things for my various blog swaps and a few gifts for some friends, only to come to find out that a check I got from selling a friend some clothing bounced so I only have $60 till the 1st of Oct and I need gas and groceries.

Looks like I wont be going to see Luke Bryan because I cant afford a $20 tix.

I was fully prepared to find a part time job today, I got up early, unpacked a load from my car and checked my mail to get a nice letter from UWG saying they dont want me. After 2 interviews and me telling them all my knowledge of phone centers, they chose to hire someone else. So that dream job Ive been praying for every night and Ive blogged about multiple times, ya, didnt get it. I now have the letter hanging above me desk.

So right now Im sitting in front of my computer, my home is a mess, I cant afford to buy gas to look for a job, I have no job prospects, I have no puppy to comfort me, JAB is at work and doesnt know about the job yet, my parents are "disappointed in me" for not getting the job, I still have no friends here, Im broke, my bff AT is coming to ATL this weekend but cant spare 10 min from her boyfriend to even see me, I keep getting invited to events back in my college town, my college bff JSO is not only married but preggers and due in dec (so much for our holiday plans). To say that Im not having a good day, week, month, year, would be pretty exact.

Oh and to add to my stress, my period is late and Im panicking.

Now im headed back to my car to get my blanket and pillow and Im going to sob in bed for a few hours.

Oh ya - and bc I dont have a job I cant afford to go to the doctor to get more anti-depressants, so things are only looking down.

Welcome to the New Girl

hey y'all

I have some super exciting news.... I made a friend! He lives in carrollton! I am soooo excited about this you dont even know! Just having someone to hang out with other then  JAB is an exciting prospect. Its not that I dont love him dearly or Im getting there, but being together all the time can be stressful. We fight a lot these days about stupid stuff because Im lonely and depressed and he doesn't understand why. Well my new Friends name is J****, but were gonna call him BG, Band Geek. He works at the same airline JAB works at and has a history degree from UWG. Hes very nice and funny and we get along great. Yay, my 1st friend!

so moving on to the point of this post, a few months ago you may or you probably dont remember I did a blog post about my friend D who got married and moved to Germany. Well today she started a blog! I am super excited to be able to read it and be supportive of her (shes having a ruff time) and I would love you ladies (and gents) to welcome her to blogging with open arms. Please go check out her blog and introduce yourself. She is an amazing women and I love her and miss her more then she knows!