The Big L Word

dum dum dum dum dummmmmmm...

I bet you're thinking "awww, they said they love each other this weekend and shes about to blog all about it. Sorry to disappoint, that didn't happen. I think it might happen, in the next few months, but not yet. I'm still holding back on falling that hard, part of the "don't get hurt" again game plan.

No, the L word I'm referring to is LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

I realize its 3 words and not 1, but I figure if you've been reading my blog for a while you know that I take some creative licence with my posts.

So I'm going to come out and admit it.... kind of like a support group. I'm in a long distance relationship (from now on referred to as LDR) AGAIN

I know I have some readers who have been reading my blog since the beginning, like a year or 2 ago. & I have some readers who are my IRL friends and know more about me then I care to admit (you know who you are).  But I know most of my readers are new, and don't know me very well - trust me, your better off that way lol. But the simple fact is, 90% of my past relationships have been LDRs. I would date guys who lived in Atlanta while I was in college, who lived in Savannah (an hour away), or at least guys who lived 45 min away. The few times I dated a local guy it was over within weeks. 

And we all know how much of an epic fail moving to be with a guy was, AKA my last relationship, giving up everything (worst decision ever). 

So I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. I'd date someone local, someone I could see 3-4 times a week, go to trivia with, have date night, just hang out with on a random Tuesday. I tried to date local Atlanta guys, epic fail again (notice a pattern yet?). Heck there were dates I didn't even blog about because I was just too embarrassed to tell y'all that another one hadn't worked out. 

So after promising myself that I wouldn't do long distance, I go and meet Ryan. 

Looking cute for his best friend's wedding

Ryan lives in statesboro, 178 miles from my house to his, front door to front door. For the last month or so, every Friday has been get off work, fly down I75 to I16 and drive the 3.5 hours to get to spend just 2 measly days with him. Worth it, yes, exhausting, you have no idea. My room is a disaster, I haven't been to the gym in ages, my gas bill is out the roof, my car's a mess and I spend $15 a week on books on CD for the trip.

Don't get me wrong, I love being back in my college town, eating cheap food & Mexican and going to the beach. I love it. But I know I cant do it forever. I cant afford it, my car cant handle the miles and I'm gonna need some time to see my girl friends.

But what can I do? He's in the process of looking for a grown up job, but he hasn't heard anything. I pray every night that he gets a job in Atlanta. But hes applied all over the South East. And now if he doesn't get a grown up job he's going to take another 6 months of college courses 178 miles away. The perk is this fall for football season I'll have somewhere to stay & party, but I know I wont be able to go down there every weekend.

I'm truly worried he's gonna get a job in Jacksonville, or somewhere super far away. I just don't know if I can keep seeing him if he lives so far. I know from experience that when I live apart from my guy, a few things happen.
A. My interest wonders, I start looking for "platonic" male friends to fill the void
B. I start creating the relationship in my mind, sometimes to the point where I will fall in love with the idea of him that I create, but then I get disappointed when he doesn't live up to my prince charming fantasy.



I dont want to break up with him, I really like him. He's just so kind, and caring and attentive and he makes me laugh and thinks I'm just beautiful. He introduces me to his friends and is proud to be seen with me. He likes my goofy friends and is excited to meet my family. He doesn't mind that I'm a southern Yankee. This is not the kind of guy that you come across often, but I'm still worried about getting hurt, again. I spent 8 months alone just trying to get over 5 years of heartbreak. I'm not ready to get hurt again.

I wonder, how far is too far? How did you keep your long distance romance alive? What should I do? 

LOVE my followers

Just a super quick post to say thank you for all the kind words and notes! Y'all are just so amazing. I was a little surprised by the comments I got on my last post because they were all on my side, saying I was trying by best & maybe I need to just let some people go. I was almost expecting people to tell me how mean I was being or something.

I wrote that post to get my feelings out but also to try and reach out to the person who the whole story was about. Needless to say, reading her twitter today and her friends twitter confirmed that she isn't the friend I thought she was. I guess she saw my post as a "pity party" when it was intended to be an "olive branch - I'm really sorry" post. At this point I'm going to send her her keychain, with a letter that I doubt I'll get a response to. Part of me still wants to send an email to say sorry again, but then theres the part of me that sees her just bashing me on twitter and being really horrid if I was to try such a thing.

I should be packing for yet another drive to statesboro this weekend. There's just something about this face that makes me want to fly 200 miles down a highway just to see him for 2 days

 

"Domestic Goddess"

If there is one thing  I can say without a doubt, is that I am not a domestic goddess. I do not like to clean, or tidy up, I don't like chores or organizing. This has always been a bit of a sore spot with ex boyfriends, as they wanted someone to look after them as well as their home. I was not that girl. Maybe a load of laundry from time to time, but thats about it. I'm more of a "work hard to afford to hire a maid" type then a "clean it myself and be a stay at home wife type". Just like my mom.

I can cook and I love to cook when I'm in the mood, but thats normally only after watching Top Chef & then I just go crazy in the kitchen. I do love to bake though. But when it comes to actually planning a meal, I suck. I just get overwhelmed and then in the middle of cooking I get distracted or bored and lose interest. But this weekend, in the theme of impressing Ryan & showing him that I can cook, I'm going to make a 3 course meal.

Heres the issue, I have NO idea what to make. Most of my specialists are big meals for 5-6 people (used to feeding a boyfriend & all his roommates) & most of the stuff I make is winter kinda food.

I need help y'all. I need a light, summer meal (it'll be in the 90s this weekend) thats not too hard, really yummy and can be made in a small kitchen.

I ordered this book but Im worried it wont come in time and I refuse to pay double the price to buy it at the Barns & Noble around the corner. I'm going to call the local library & see if they have a copy.

Do you have a recipe you swear by that totally impresses guys? Please help this un-domestic goddess out!

Picture Post Cop Out

I know just posting a tone of photos and not actually saying anything is a major cop out, I know this. But im gonna do it anyway, so nani nani boo boo

Ryan floating

Smile

The view from the towel

Holding hands

Juts love this pic

Beautiful day

Cool effect

Thinking about something... food

Ryan the matador

Beach pic!

Pack Mule  

They were so tired

OK OK OK so your wondering who this Ryan guy is. He's the guy I'm dating. It almost feels weird to say that, its been so long since Ive actually dated a real man. Hes really sweet, funny, kind & smart. Its like hanging out with a really good friend who I can kiss when I want to, which is really nice. We're taking things slow because he's still at GSU finishing up college. He's looking for a job in the south east so I'm hoping he moves to Atlanta as I'm so over long distance things, but whatever happens, happens. It feels really good to be in this kinda grown up relationship.

Now the fact that he's drunk on a random Monday night... well I guess its forgivable. But just this once.

Tell Us How You Really Feel...

I feel like I've failed as a friend this past month. I have been super moody, super snappy, super just not cool. *warning this post is about to get super personal*

I've been on my period for 47 days now. I did the math. Ive been though 4 boxes of tampons & a box of pads. Before this I hadn't had a period in prob 3 months. And no, I'm not on BC or anything like that because I haven't done anything in 3 years. Yes 3. That probably makes me a virgin again.

Between working out the swap issues, and now co-planning & hosting this bridal shower I am about to tear my hair out. Now Im having to orginize some big group trip to savannah this weekend and Im like NO! I dont want to see a bunch of people I hate. I dont want to go to a concert with them. I want to see my friends, visit David's grave and relax! And go to the bridal shower (that Im not planning).

Shall we start at the beginning? 1 1/2 months of a period is like hell. cramps, mood swings, you name it, I deal with it. So since we all know how crummy our period is for a week, imagine 5 1/5 weeks of it with no end in sight? It SUCKS!!!!!

Then lets add in David's death. I cry every night. I cry when I hear songs on the radio like this one:


Like right now, its playing in the background & Im sobbing like a baby. I havnt been to church since I leanred the news. I didnt go easter sunday either. I am so mad at god. How could he take daivd? He was that one guy who I knew would always look at me & see beautiful. He would always love me. He gave the kinds of hugs that last for hours. Who am I gonna call when I cant remember which mall in Savannah has which stores? Who will pick me and Courtney up from River Street at 3am? Whos gonna walk me down the aisle at my wedding if Daddy cant do it? Whos gonna marry me when Im 35 & cant find a hubby?


I want to put a photo of him on my desk at work, but I know I'll lose it every time I see it. I dont know how people get over the loss of a love one. I get so... mad... idk if thats even the right word... sad, mad, upset, jealous when I see happy people now. Even at work, when people call in about their spouses I feel a pain in my heart. How am I ever gonna feel ok?

so lets add on swap stress - I love hosting swaps. dont get me wrong, but when I lose emails and I cant figure out whos who and whats what - STRESS! this one is 100% my fault. I should have canceled it but I felt bad...

And now the wedding shower. Not only is the MOH a MOZ-zilla but shes a bitch. & Im staying with her for the wedding! argh! 4 days! I might kill someone! I already spent $30 on decorations for the party and shes all "I dont think they're gonna go with the theme". really? Its one damn banner & a center piece. and some cute napkins. but NO! they;re all going into a box for the next bachelorette party I throw. Heres the kicker. I dont want to order anything without her OK, so she doesnt freak out, but SHE DOESNT REPLY TO TXT MESSAGES OR EMAILS!!! I need her to take 10 min away from her stupid boyfriend (insert hormonal, lost david emotions here) and just say "yes or no"

And now the kicker - this weekend Im going to statesboro for a relaxing girls weekend and one of my friends is trying to drag me into this big event thing. I dont want to go!!! I dont want to see your stupid band, celebrate your bitchy friend's birthday with you & your fience & her fience! She is a crappy friend! She was a bitch to me & you & IDK why your friends with her. I want to spend my time with people I care about & miss.

I am planning on visiting David's grave. This is gonna be so hard for me. Ive never visited the grave of someone I knew before. Im bringing a huge box of tissues.

You would think after saying all this Id feel better right... nope. I feel just as stressed, just as sad, just as hormonal & mad as 45 min ago when I started this.

I guess I should close by saying Im sorry to those people I have taken all this out on,  my friends, my parents & yall now. I really dont know who to talk to about any of this. I stopped seeing my counselor, God only knows why. I dont pray anymore because when I do I just get mad & sad.

Bottom line is Im a mess. A big fat (oh ya - been trying to get healthy but Im pretty sure Im gaining weight!) emotional mess.

TGIF

Thank God Its Friday! Right now, if this posts right Ill be asleep in my bed. My car will be packed all ready to head to statesboro as soon as I leave work at noon! I NEED this vacation soo bad!

I need to see these beautiful faces:

AT! By BFF

BS - I know, theres 2 of us. Soon to be Mrs. BD!

SW! Soon to be married to my friend AB (also half in the pic)

E! (sad I dont know his last name, brain fart)

PP in pink! Love this girl!

Miss SM! Twitter friend!

I havnt seen most of these people since I moved away, or since I was in the boro a few months ago for homecoming. AT invited me to come down because our favorite man was playing at oue favorite bar!

We are so excited to rock out to Brantly Gilbert!





I dont think Colt Fords gonna be there, but that would be awsome! Gilbert has written a lot of famous songs for bigger artists, and hes on his way up. Love him!

The on saturday, AT & BS & I are hauling butt to

River Street in Savannah Ga

Where we will get one or two or three of these:

Wet Willies Slushie

Then we will hope on one of these & tour around the city, sipping on our drinks, taking a ton of photos and laughing till our sides hurt!

 

And Sunday with AT's family means 2 things, church and sunday dinner. Mrs T makes sunday dinner like I dream of thanksgiving! This was the table last time I visited:

 

YUM! 

What are you doing this weekend? 

Tagged!

Hey y'all

so one of my favorite bloggers - Pearls Curls and a Southern Girl got tagged with 8 questions and she tagged all her readers, so Im gonna answer her questions :)  

1. Why did you start blogging?
I started blogged in high school, with live journal and xanga because it was the it thing to do any everyone else was doing it (terrible reason I know, but I was young). Then I got introduced to twitter in the summer of 2007 I think, when twitter was still very new. I noticed some people were blogging so I figured Id try it. I didnt stick with it though. My last semester in college I came up with the ATL Yankee Belle twitter name and thus my blog was born. :)

2.  What would your dream career be?

F  Do I have to pick just one? Well I cant so heres my list, which grows every day

•      wedding planner
•      disney cast member
•      GO at clubmed
•      professional blogger/tweeter
•      restaurant owner / chef / pastry chef
•      mom
•      CEO overseas
•      teacher

D

3.    

     What is your biggest fear?

      That I'll never figure out what Im suppost to be doing. I wont find my husband, I wont have kids, I wont find my calling from God

 

4.   What is something that you hope to accomplish before the end of this year?

      I want to have a full-time job that I really enjoy and I want to have some friends in my new town

 

5.   If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you pick?

      Right now, Id move back to statesboro like tomorrow to be closer to my friends. But in the future I want to love to Australia

 

6.    Who is someone you’re closest to?

      This may be a little weird, but I feel really close to my readers. I tell y'all things I dont feel comfortable telling my friends or family. Is that weird? Maybe, but its true. 

 

7.   What is your biggest pet peeve?

      People who say mean things or do mean things and dont think about how their words or actions will affect other people. 

 

 

What is your favorite childhood memory?
Traveling in europe with my family.  


So instead of tagging people, I am going to tag all of my readers :)


and here are the 8 questions you get to answer:


1. What was the best halloween costume you saw this year? pic is a bonus
2. Do you tell the 100% truth on your blog, or do you sort of beef up your life to make it a little more exciting?
3. If you could be a fly on any wall, which would you choose?

4. Do you budget your Christmas shopping or just get it done without budgeting?

5. What is the craziest fad diet you have ever done? 

6. Is there a TV show that you have seen every episode/season of? 

7. What one song always pulls at your heart?

8. Tell us about your first love

and go!

AND DONT FORGET TO ENTER MY 1ST GIVEAWAY!

Life Update

After looking at my phone to figure out what day it is I figured I might as well drag myself to my laptop and write a post about my life at the moment. I went home to Atlanta for the weekend, just to get away from this horrible town. I drove over an hour to meet a women who said she wanted to take Rhett (according to my apartment I cant have him any more and I owe them $250 + they might decide to evict me). She changed her mind when she saw that he needed to be groomed.

I went shopping and bought some things for my various blog swaps and a few gifts for some friends, only to come to find out that a check I got from selling a friend some clothing bounced so I only have $60 till the 1st of Oct and I need gas and groceries.

Looks like I wont be going to see Luke Bryan because I cant afford a $20 tix.

I was fully prepared to find a part time job today, I got up early, unpacked a load from my car and checked my mail to get a nice letter from UWG saying they dont want me. After 2 interviews and me telling them all my knowledge of phone centers, they chose to hire someone else. So that dream job Ive been praying for every night and Ive blogged about multiple times, ya, didnt get it. I now have the letter hanging above me desk.

So right now Im sitting in front of my computer, my home is a mess, I cant afford to buy gas to look for a job, I have no job prospects, I have no puppy to comfort me, JAB is at work and doesnt know about the job yet, my parents are "disappointed in me" for not getting the job, I still have no friends here, Im broke, my bff AT is coming to ATL this weekend but cant spare 10 min from her boyfriend to even see me, I keep getting invited to events back in my college town, my college bff JSO is not only married but preggers and due in dec (so much for our holiday plans). To say that Im not having a good day, week, month, year, would be pretty exact.

Oh and to add to my stress, my period is late and Im panicking.

Now im headed back to my car to get my blanket and pillow and Im going to sob in bed for a few hours.

Oh ya - and bc I dont have a job I cant afford to go to the doctor to get more anti-depressants, so things are only looking down.