Thursday, June 23, 2011



Mawwiage... aka marriage. I'm sure your wondering why a perpetually single girl is doing writing about a topic like marriage. what could she possibly know about marriage?

truth - nothing, I'm not married. & I wont be for a long time. But what I am an expert on is married couples from the view of a single girl.

Let's back up to middle school. Remember when you would sit around and talk about your wedding, but you still thought boys were yucky? Well my friends & I always said we would abandon our husbands for our girlfriends. Moving on to high school, we discovered boys but didn't date much so they were still these foreign creatures. And it was still girls before guys. Then college. Dating begins. And guys become the most important thing in your life. Dating them, flirting with them, all the fun stuff. At some point those boys became more important then friends until you got dumped, then it was girl power all the way.

Now begins life after college. I'm single. I love my friends. I love my friends who are single, who are dating and even the handful I have who are already married. I love hanging out with them in groups, one on one, two on one, whatever. I view my friend's man as part of my friends. I figure if its that serious they need to become part of the group.

I have a few friends who don't see life like that. They only want to spend time with their boyfriend, never their friends. We aren't even on the back burner, we dont exists when hes around. And I HATE that! It drives me up the wall! If hes such an amazing guy he should fit in with your friends and be part of the group. Now I'm not saying never have alone time, but don't cut yourself off from the world because of some guy! If he is going to be your husband isn't it important that your friends like him? I know whats a major factor when I'm seeing someone.

So fast forward a few years to the wedding. They get married, we all cry and hug and congratulate. Now he and she have become a them. They're married. Excellent. I have some amazing married friends (shout outs to y'all).

But recently I was informed that because I am a single female, I really cant be friends with married women. Not because she thinks I'm trying to hook her husband, but because we have different priorities.


We all make life choices, you chose to get married at 23. I chose to not get married. I chose to live at home and work and plan for grad school and date and travel. I have one priority in life, and that's me. My friends & family are a close second. I understand that your husband is your main priority, and that's great, but someone please explain to me why that means we cant be friends?

I have a LOT of married friends. I even have friends who are married with kids. They have VERY different prioritries in life then I do and yet they still want to be friends with me. Maybe because Im on the outside looking in, maybe there isn't something I see. Maybe their was a vow that I missed at the wedding - "now that you are married you will abandon all single friends"

Many of my readers are young married women, do y'all have single friends? Do y'all find it difficult to have friendships with single people?

If there's something I'm missing, like a new rule or something, please let me know. I'll make a point to let all my married friends know that we cant be friends because I am choosing an "alternative lifestyle".


Mrs. Sergeant said...

We know that married and single girls can hangout because
A. When Charlotte got married not once did she abandon Carrie, Miranda, or Samantha. (SATC is written GF code LOL)
Anyway, I love my single girlfriends. They keep my life interesting. I am speaking from a wife, with school and 2 kid perspective. I rely on my girls to help me have fun sometimes just us girls. It's not a want to, it's a necessity.
Your friend is a moron. Guys will sometimes be forever... At least we hope they will be. Guys come and go, but your friends should and most likely will always remain.

Mrs. Sergeant

Lucy said...

Even when I was married, this did not change anything. I still hung out with my single friends albeit it was a little less because of distance. However, I still saw them. Sometimes, it is easier to relate to someone who is the same situation that you're end but it should not change the friendships that you have already established.

*danielle said...

Ok, so here's my two cents: I can definitely see why it's "easier" to have only married friends when you're married. Because "married" couples understand the dynamics of "marriage" from that first-person perspective. It's just "easier" to hang with people who have the same priorities as you do. I think that's especially true in a situation like ours - military and living AWAY from our friends and family. Meeting people for us is more challenging, and it's easier to meet people who have similar lifestyles. Makes sense.

That being said, when we go home, we will NOT ignore our old friends just because we are married and have a baby. But, we will not be able to live the same life we had with those people, obviously. KR and I have never had a problem being a couple and hanging out with single people as juts friends. We can separate our time. KR had some friends here before I came out and we hung out with them until they moved to their new bases. They continued to hang out with us, even just the 3 of us and when I was fairly preggo, and it didn't seem awkward for any of us... So I think for existing friends it's entirely possible.. Perhaps making new ones, though, is a different story - That I don't know for sure.

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