Monday, July 11, 2011

The Big L Word

dum dum dum dum dummmmmmm...

I bet you're thinking "awww, they said they love each other this weekend and shes about to blog all about it. Sorry to disappoint, that didn't happen. I think it might happen, in the next few months, but not yet. I'm still holding back on falling that hard, part of the "don't get hurt" again game plan.

No, the L word I'm referring to is LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

I realize its 3 words and not 1, but I figure if you've been reading my blog for a while you know that I take some creative licence with my posts.

So I'm going to come out and admit it.... kind of like a support group. I'm in a long distance relationship (from now on referred to as LDR) AGAIN

I know I have some readers who have been reading my blog since the beginning, like a year or 2 ago. & I have some readers who are my IRL friends and know more about me then I care to admit (you know who you are).  But I know most of my readers are new, and don't know me very well - trust me, your better off that way lol. But the simple fact is, 90% of my past relationships have been LDRs. I would date guys who lived in Atlanta while I was in college, who lived in Savannah (an hour away), or at least guys who lived 45 min away. The few times I dated a local guy it was over within weeks. 

And we all know how much of an epic fail moving to be with a guy was, AKA my last relationship, giving up everything (worst decision ever). 

So I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. I'd date someone local, someone I could see 3-4 times a week, go to trivia with, have date night, just hang out with on a random Tuesday. I tried to date local Atlanta guys, epic fail again (notice a pattern yet?). Heck there were dates I didn't even blog about because I was just too embarrassed to tell y'all that another one hadn't worked out. 

So after promising myself that I wouldn't do long distance, I go and meet Ryan. 

Looking cute for his best friend's wedding

Ryan lives in statesboro, 178 miles from my house to his, front door to front door. For the last month or so, every Friday has been get off work, fly down I75 to I16 and drive the 3.5 hours to get to spend just 2 measly days with him. Worth it, yes, exhausting, you have no idea. My room is a disaster, I haven't been to the gym in ages, my gas bill is out the roof, my car's a mess and I spend $15 a week on books on CD for the trip.

Don't get me wrong, I love being back in my college town, eating cheap food & Mexican and going to the beach. I love it. But I know I cant do it forever. I cant afford it, my car cant handle the miles and I'm gonna need some time to see my girl friends.

But what can I do? He's in the process of looking for a grown up job, but he hasn't heard anything. I pray every night that he gets a job in Atlanta. But hes applied all over the South East. And now if he doesn't get a grown up job he's going to take another 6 months of college courses 178 miles away. The perk is this fall for football season I'll have somewhere to stay & party, but I know I wont be able to go down there every weekend.

I'm truly worried he's gonna get a job in Jacksonville, or somewhere super far away. I just don't know if I can keep seeing him if he lives so far. I know from experience that when I live apart from my guy, a few things happen.
A. My interest wonders, I start looking for "platonic" male friends to fill the void
B. I start creating the relationship in my mind, sometimes to the point where I will fall in love with the idea of him that I create, but then I get disappointed when he doesn't live up to my prince charming fantasy.

I dont want to break up with him, I really like him. He's just so kind, and caring and attentive and he makes me laugh and thinks I'm just beautiful. He introduces me to his friends and is proud to be seen with me. He likes my goofy friends and is excited to meet my family. He doesn't mind that I'm a southern Yankee. This is not the kind of guy that you come across often, but I'm still worried about getting hurt, again. I spent 8 months alone just trying to get over 5 years of heartbreak. I'm not ready to get hurt again.

I wonder, how far is too far? How did you keep your long distance romance alive? What should I do? 


*danielle said...

Oh, my - I could write a novel about this!

First off, KR spent 2 *years* in Europe while I was in IL. That's like... 6000 miles or so. Farther when I was at my mom's house for school breaks. And we were LDR (as you say, haha) while he did boot camp & tech training. And now we're apart, AGAIN while he's off doing his duty. Here's what you have to realize about LDR: Distance means nothing! Whether it's 45 minutes, 2 hours, or expensive overseas plane tickets away, distance is distance. The honest truth is: if you love each other enough, distance doesn't matter. You will make it work. That's not saying it's easy, but you keep trying and figure it out. Skype is wonderful, phone plans with long distance is wonderful. You have to make sure you still talk somehow - it's makes the gap feel like even less. You also have to be extremely trusting and understanding b/c the distance changes things that you'd expect from a "normal" relationship - like talking everyday and everything and nothing at the same time. You need to make sure you don't wander - though, I feel that you won't be tempted if he really is "the one." I never felt that way. I never "looked" and while it's ok to get crushes, you just don't do anything about them. I personally feel every relationship needs a period of LDR as a test to their commitment to each other. You have to make sure that you both stay true to yourselves as individuals in order to grow as a couple as well. Otherwise, that's when one person feels "trapped" and the other gets "clingy." Feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions or want more suggestions... It's totally do-able. We have seriously spent more time apart than we have together. How sad is that?

Allie said...

I found your blog today and have read a few of your previous posts. While I may not know everything, I've been in long distance realtionships before and I've been in hurtful relationships as well. I know the driving every weekend thing gets expensive, but sometimes things like Skype or even email, texting and phone calls can help cut down the gas bill. From your posts he seems like an awesome guy and you seem way too happy to give up on the relationship already. I know its hard, but even limiting yourself to two trips a month helps some. As they say "absenece makes the heart grow fonder" Good luck :)

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