I'm getting into counseling and seeing a dr about depression medication
I'm looking for a new job
I'm starting an exercise program
I'm gonna stay away from facebook, blogger etc for the next little bit. or maybe I wont. I dont know right now.
I might turn this blog into my survival guide, who knows. all I know right now is if my mom has lived for her 39+ years and survived I can make it though the next 24 hours. and then tomorrow I'll work towards the next 24 hours and so on.
Y'all I am so sorry I have been to absent here lately. October was one crazy month!
Last weekend my best friend became a MRS and so I've been up to my ears in wedding stuff. It happens. After the wedding, after quite a few drinks my parents & Ryan (who all attending the wedding) decided the words wedding & marriage were off limits for me for the next 2 months. Good thing they don't read my blog!
Here are some photos:
This is the bride to be with her shower gift from me
Us at the rehursal
The bride to be & her dad
After make up
Bride's Bitch & the Bride
MOH touching up makeup
Walk down the asile
First Kiss
The new Mrs Barker
Look at her dress!
Ryan & I
Leaving on their honeymoon
So thats where I've been the last month or so. Im currently looking for new jobs in atlanta. I have been applying to a few each night hoping for something. Im looking to go into the higher education field so if you have any tips or leads, let me know.
I am obsessed with the Post Secret app on my iPhone. LOVE it!
Ryan & I are doing well. He thinks Im crazy but now that wedding season is over life should calm down a bit.
I ordered an iPhone 4s! Thank G because my 3G is on its last legs. I am looking for a case though - I thought I saw one on a blog once. Its really pretty and there is a space for credit cards & ID in the back? if you know where to buy one please tell me!
So thursday is my 25th birthday. I have been dreading this day for a while now. I guess I feel like 25 is old. I'm in a new age bracket - mid 20s. Its a little terrifying.
So here is my birthday week schedual -
Monday - normal work
Tuesday - normal work
Wensday - 1/2 day, driving to statesboro, Luke Bryan concert with Ryan
Thursday (my birthday) - early dr apt, spa day, dinner & taking myself to a movie
Friday - career services appointment, light shopping, lazy day.
Saturday - Abbi's bridal shower & GSU home game
Sunday - church & lunch with Abbi's family
I think I'm going to back some scrapbook stuff and take that with me because I think I'll have a fair amount of down time.
On a side note - Ryan almost got me one of these for my birthday:
thankfully I stopped him before he ordered one. no magnetic purse for me, but thanks. I had to smile. Ryan always says how high maintenance I am (which Im not) and yet he was gonna buy me one of these. I may buy my clothes on sale at Old Navy but I try & always carry a designer purse.
Now after the success of Ryans surprise birthday party a very small part of me is hoping that he is planning something for me - just dinner with my friends. I know its not true, but a little piece of me wants to think that he would put that kinda effort into me.
So any advice for this soon to be mid 20 year old?
You know that feeling right before you get sick? That almost sore throat, body feels crummy feeling, well that's me right now. Plus hungry, tired, and all around depressed. Lets just say I've had a not so awesome week and its only Tuesday.
Lets start with the sick feeling. Ryan txted me Sunday night & said he thought he was getting sick. Of course, my body picked up on his que and now I'm feeling under the weather.
Then its a Monday, or yesterday was. Last Monday of training. And guess who hasn't found a new job, I haven't even applied for one. truth is I have no idea how to even go about looking for a job. I figure Ill send my resume into any & all company HRs that I can think of. But there are so many companies out there I don't know. Ugh being a grown up sucks.
My 25th birthday is 16 days away and I couldn't be less excited. I'm not ready to change my age bracket, Not ready to be in my mid 20s, not ready to be the 25 year old who lives at home because she cant afford a place of her own. I'm not ready to be a huge disappointment.
My room is a mess. More like a hot mess. Like I need a cleaning crew to help me with it. Ive been so busy the last 5 months traveling, I cant remember the last time I even looked at my room other then to dump my suitcase & sleep. Ryan's coming on Friday & I want it to be perfect. I want to impress him. But I'm so overwhelmed I'm not sure if that's gonna happen.
My parents are in a mood. At least my mom is. Bitching & snipping. I just want to find somewhere to hide from her attitude, which is not possible because shes constantly emailing and txting me.
Weight watchers sucks. I haven't lost a pound. Not one. I also haven't gained which is good. But since the great debacle at the gym I'm too embarrassed to go back. I don't want to be heckled by the trainers because I couldn't afford them and they're workouts weren't working. I want to get in shape but I cant motivate myself, and I hate myself for it.
I need to unpack my car, do 3 more loads of laundry, plan this weekend, work out & eat something healthy tonight. And clean the dining room and the garage.
I am sorry I have been gone so long, I have been just overwhelmed with my life. Between labor day, the bachelorette & Ryan's birthday I am broke, spent and exhausted. I promise to start blogging again soon but I figured Id give you a little recap on my life:
So I know some if not most of my readers are HP fans, just like me. But my friend Laura is a super HP fan. Her 25th birthday is around the corner and I want to get her something really amazing. Here are some ideas:
So labor day weekend is 3 days away and I am having mixed emotions about the whole thing.
My childhood nanny is flying in from Ireland on Thursday to spend a week here, but I wont be here this weekend. I'm going to Valdasta to visit Ryan's friends and family.
I am excited to get away from Atlanta of course, but I'm dreading the drive (4+ hours not including labor day traffic) meting his best friends (gotta make a good impression) and dealing with his family's drama (divorce, fighting, all that can of worms).
I wanted Ryan to come to Atlanta and visit here but my parents & nanny are going to NC and mom expressly said Ryan wasn't invited. So he made plans to go to Valdasta, with or without me. His friends were meeting, this is like the only time I'll ever get to meet them as they live in FL and don't have any reason to visit statesboro or Atlanta.
I'm sad because Maeve, my nanny is coming such a long way to visit my family and I'll be missing out on 3 days of her time, but I know I'd be miserable in NC doing nothing for labor day.
Hopefully we'll have lots of fun the next week while shes here - going to an improv show, dinner out, maybe some local museums etc. I just wish I wasn't so busy and she was spending more time in the US.
I am excited to meet 2 of Ryan's best friends, but I'm nervous too. They have a brand new baby, and are married. AKA we have nothing in common. I'm going to be the only one who doesn't know everyone there. I want to believe he will make me comfortable but I know how guys get, they forget about their gfs when they're with their friends.
I'm also super nervous to be at the lake. I'm not comfortable with my body and I'm doing weight watchers but I don't feel like Ive lost much. I am eating better through. I just know how uncomfortable it can be for me to be in a swim suite around people I dont know.
Im also nervous because all the 1st impressions I have of Ryan's friends and them of me hasn't exactly been stellar. I'm just very different then these people. Hopefully Im worried for nothing... hopefully
So I've been dating Ryan for about 4 months and its been wonderful, except of course, for the long distance thing. That sucks. I've never spent a Tuesday or Wednesday with him and only a few hours on a Thursday once. Its weird to think about. Knowing how much I like him, but I don't know what its like to kiss him on a Tuesday. It scares me a little bit. A lot of things about the relationship are scaring me. Maybe I'm just crazy but maybe not. I just keep getting flashes from my ex boyfriends, past relationships and I see myself repeating the same things.
This weekend I asked Ryan what he wanted from his life, what his life dreams were. He didn't hesitate, he knew exactly what he wanted. He wants a good paying job, a house somewhere in the south, a wife and a few kids, 2 vacations a year and to live comfortably. He knows when he's done with school in Dec, he knows what field he's going into and he knows hes gonna enjoy his work.
When he said that I saw flash backs of so many of my exs. They all said something similar. And they're all married. They married southern, home town kinda girls. Girls with deep roots and domestic skills, girls who wanted to have kids by 26 and dreamed of a mini van.
These are what I call backyard, neighborhood dreams. They are dreams, but they are very white picket fence, and so settled.
I start to hyperventilate when I think about this. I just.... I dream bigger. I want to visit Australia, go surfing Christmas morning, I want to meet the Dali lama, I want to see a penguin in its natural habitat, I want to make real red sauce in Italy, I want to take a vodka shot in Russia for David, I want to live overseas again, follow my aunts footsteps through Greece. I want to live a big, full life. I want to have a house and kids too but not soon. I want to run wild, learn everything I can. I want to take a big chuck out of life. back back through Europe, volunteer in china.
Once Ive lived as much as I can, I wanrt to settle down & start a family. Hopefully move them to europe or africa or new zeland and let them grow up in a diffrent culture like i did.
But i realise that Im almost 25 and Im not getting any younger. I dont have a lot of time to do all this, or maybe I do. But these things dont even light a spark in Ryan, he doesnt have any interest in doing thissort of thing.
Now Im not gonna let someone else stop me from doing what I want to do, but theres a part of me asking why bother staying with him if we are so damn different. I left the other guys who wanted what he eanted & now they're happily married.
Another thing that I see from past relationships happening again, is me falling harder for him then he has for me. Where he was quick to fall in love & I was a little slower with the falling in love part. But now he's slowing down, withdrawing where as Im settling in for a long term relationship. I guess Im wondering if this is just a fun summer fling. Maybe Im looking way to much into this, but I just feeling like im doing what Ive done a thousand times, lining myself up for heart break. I'll be much more invested then he is and when it doesn't work out Ill get hurt.
I want to throw the breaks on my feelings, slow down, back up even. Just regain my footing and hold off for a while. Im afraid to get super attached. I don't want to put all my cards on the table, I want him to have to chase me, because I can already see the thrill of the chase is wearing off and he's getting comfortable.
One lesson I am taking from past relationships is Im not spilling everything to him. I'm not using his as my only confidente. Im trying to not open up to him about a lot of person stuff at all, because Ive learned that thats the kind of emotional luggage men don't want.
Am I doing the right thing trying to learn from my past? or should I be looking at this entire thing with a clean slate?
Well if your any sort of avid reader of this corner of the internet you remember all the drama that came from the 1st bachelorette & wedding shower I tried to plan. Where I spent $400 on it and it was a total flop. Yes. Epic fail.
Well thanks to this lovely soon to be bride, I will be planning my 2nd bachelorette party. This one is going to be very different!
A. No co-hosting
B. Budget - $200
C. Smaller guest list of people we know
D. Guests will help pay for the party
These are my rules and Im sticking to them! I hope!
So since I have a lot of stuff left over I wont be buying a lot more. I am going to order these:
All the green is going to be purple, the brides favorite color. Its gonna be the theme of the entire bachelorette party, Wild Night Out
We're going to have it in Savannah on River street so we can go to our favorite bars:
yes I joined weight watchers. I signed up for a free week online but Im thinking next pay check (aug 16) I will go and join the meetings. because now more then ever I want to lose weight. My bff is getting married in 2 months (ekkk!) and I want to look good in my dress.
So my deadline to drop some pounds is Oct 22, 2011.
any tips for me? I downloaded the app on my iphone and Im gonna track what I eat at my desk (cant have my phone at my desk). Ive already noticed that today Im way over the points which is not good!
now if your reading this standing up, you might want to sit down.
not check your pulse, everything ok?
so you know how Ryan couldnt come this weekend?
well tonight I was in the kitchen and someone knocked on the back door.
to my shock there was Ryan! Down on one knee! Proposing!
I said Yes!!!
ok so who fell for this story? can you say gullible?
I am not engaged, not even close, but this beautiful couple is!
sorry, facebook wont let me steal a pic :(
Bu this is the pic I got from the bride to be!!
How cute? They met on a dating site, and he messaged her because they had the exact same photo of themselves at the sundial - a really nice restaurant in atlanta.
This is me most weeks. I work M-F just to make it to the weekend where I can see Ryan and be away from the craziness that is atlanta. This week I was really looking forward to the weekend because he was coming to visit! Going to meet my parents, visit my city, meet my friends. But he called on tuesday and said he couldnt make it :(
So Ive been dreading this weekend all week. I have nothing to do, no fun plans, no nothing. But Im trying to make the best of it. Ive given myself a few things to do -
First thing is in the morning Im going here:
To get someone to fix my phone, because it says this:
And of course my boy genius of a boyfriend is too busy to even IM me and help me out. Im praying its a easy and free fix because Im broke and I cant afford a new phone any time soon :(
Then Im off to this amazing place - a 15 mile drive! to get a paper cutter thing that Ive been saving for for a few weeks. Im hoping it will improve my crafts.
The tomorrow night my friend is doing this show and Im going to go and support him, plus Ive never seen it and its a musical so hopefully it will lift my spirits.
Sunday Im going out with Brandon (Brews_Bowties) for his birthday. This isnt really set in stone, fact is I dont expect him to show up, but you never know.
White Party Head over to DDS and check out her cute blog and enter her giveaway !
She is sweet, yet strong She sips her wine, yet gulps her beer She's polite, yet saucy She's refined, yet wild She wears bows... fishing She's a Southern Belle
