so i started my day off, today at 12.01am having a big talk with my ex boyfriend about alpha males. he told me he had done research on it. proof, yet again, he doesnt get it. Ive tried to explain to him what i want but everytime we hang out, he acts like a scared 4th grader which just annoys me. & if i hear him say "next time itll be better" one more time Im gonna blow a lid. its simple - either be a man and take what u want, or go be a sheepish liser somewhere else.
I want a guy whp will sweep me off my feet, who twirls me around then pulls me in close and kisses me just becuase he thinks im beautiful . I want someone who can make fun of me when i do silly things but also sneek a kiss in. i want a guy to pull me close and when i hold him I fee safe. I want a guy who turns me on with just one kiss. I want a guy who knows what hes doing in the bedroom and makes me feel like a goddess. I want a guy who plans dates, who loves adventures and trying new things.
a good friend of mine told me to find the perfect guy, I need to have qualifications. so heres my list
6'1"+ heavier built great kisser - weak in the knees kind life long learner (pref a college edu) whitty & sharp tounged good cook adventerous likes to travel wants a family flirty ok with PDA likes country music udnerstand city life but is country too honest funny a little jealous strong alpha male financialy sound
so i have no idea where to find a guy like that - wish i could just order him up, but I cant.
because i went with my mom to a pizza place for dinner - which was super yummy btw - its called ... i dont remember :( its on my twitter tho :)
so luckily i didnt have to go into work today :) my slacker co worker actually stepped up :)
so i just layed by the pool & went and got supplies for the peach tree road race tshirtsIm making. (see earlier post)
**this is just a thought - but maybe if i stooped treating my ex like he was my bf, Id fine boy**
i think ill do the ** thing whenever im entering a thought that just runs through my head
so i also did a lot of messaging on POF today. Im sure I sent like 10 messages - and got a few back. so I added 2 new guys to my cell phone (kinda a big deal). they dont get their own names yet but maybe they will & maybe not. but these 2 guys are real winners - let me tell you
the 1st one i gave my # to said he didnt have a cellphone (weird) so i asked him why - and heres what I got back
"i cant stand for too long , so i dont have a job, so i have no money, so i have no cell phone,,, ssi,, social security income, when i get on it they will give me so much money a month and ill be able to get stuff i need and get more healthy and able to work"
mind you this guy is 22! and hes too fat to work! hello - parents FAILED!
and boy # 2 is quite good looking, but when he asked me to drive to him - i was put off. turns out hes 19, lives at home and has had his "driving privileges revoked" by his parents. i mean- hello! whats wrong with that! idkeverything!
argh - i feel like ive met and dated all the decent guys in atl & duno who or where else to meet them.
So I'm writing this entry from my cell phone, at the side of my pool trying to get all my emotions in line. It's only Monday morning & I'm about to blow up I'm so stressed & annoyed.
Let's start with the 1st reason I'm stressed today- WORK I work at a very small family run daycare & I love it. I work 4 days a week, in 6 hour shifts. From time to time I cover for someone else so I work a little more, but most weeks it's 24 hours.
So last friday I got an email from on of the 2 other girls I work with saying her grandpa passed away & she had to fly up north for the funeral. So I replyed I'm sorry for your loss etc & I'll cover your wed & fri shifts (meaning I'll work 11 hours each of those days). So I got an email yesterday saying that she needed to leave Sunday & now she would need 1 of tge 2 of us to cover her Monday shift. Now remember, that's my only day off. So I just got a call from my boss asking me to come in (a 45 min drive from my place) because my third co worker ( who is already there) can't help pick up the slack. This girl does the bare minimum at work & now she can't even respect my only day off when she gets wed & Friday off. Argh!
My next stresser is POLO- super hot, seems like the perfect guy but won't make a comitment even just to meet up for coffee. He's happy to cam all night long & say how much he likes me, but I need a human being to hold hands with & kiss & cuddle- not a very hot, half naked boy on my computer screen.
And my third stressor is EMT. The ass doesn't call me or txt me all weekend after a promising call Friday night. So literaly spent all of Friday & Saturday in tears over this guy. Because I really liked him & I still do- but I'm sick of being jerked around. So I got a wimpy little txt from him last nite saying sorry & instead of replying right away- I ignored it & finaly replied a curt "I'm fine how are you" this morning. I beliveve this deserves an apology in person from him & if he gets back to me I plan I ask for one.
So now as I sit here & wait for my boss to call me saying I need to come pick up this girls slack- i've decided to at least get a swim in
Sorry for the down-ness of thus entery, but I have no one to vent to
loving this song today. having a pretty bad couple of days, there are mascara stains on my pillow covers to prove it :(
when Im hurt, i like really physically hurt, like my chest feels like its caving in. is that normal? Ive been feeling pretty down and upset & hurt a lot these last 2 days which is never any fun.
Im having a BYOPF (bring your own pool float) party tomorrow and im only having 1 guest :( at least I like her a lot - lol
so my little is alpha male because thats what Im looking for. I had a "date" with an okcupid guy tonight - nice guy but nothing more then a friend there. just no romantic chem :(
so last night I had like a 2 page blog about WOW outfits and then I managed to delete it :(
I wasn't very happy & I had an early morning so I just said "whatever" and went to bed.
can I just say a few things that I think- you dont have to agree or disagree, these are just some things I thought about today
target bathrooms smell amazing, wish mine smelled like that
porn sites following you on twitter is annoying - yes, I occasionally talk about my "sex" life on there, but I dont want a bunch of links to porn sites.
I find it very annoying when the fridge is full of food but none of it can really make a meal
I need to make a mani / pedi appointment, but Im too busy to book one, let alone have one.
tomorrow, its gonna be 95 outside and our "field trip" at work is the library and walking around the mall.
the song Ive been really into lately.
got a call from an ex boyfriend today - we're still close as friends,which is nice. he sent me a picture of himself and he looks like a hippie - lol. he & his fiance are having problems which makes me sad, of course, but I was always a little jealous of her getting such a great guy.
which leads me to another thought - weddings. a few of my friend are getting married & Im thrilled for them. They are going to be very happy with their husbands. Im a little jealous bc I wish I had someone who loved me that much, but the part that really makes the green eyed monster come out, is it seems like all my friends have asked all our friend to be a part of their weddings & Im not even sure Ill be invited. I guess its silly that im jealous of the bridesmaids and the maids of honor - but I am. I kind of feel like I dont have any friends who are close enough to ask me to be a part of the wedding.
so for my daily EMT update -
I txted him this morning when I woke up, to say good morning. then I txted him after work, inviting him to come swim with me. He could because he had class & shift (which is true) but he also said as soon as he gets some time Ill be the 1st to know :) we flirted back and forth but he ended with "ill txt you in a few" and havnt heard from him sense. now his class doesnt get out till 11 so he could txt me after that but I doubt he will. I want him to make an effort & ask me out or just want to come see me, so Im not going to ask him to do anything but come over and swim. I really hope he realises that I like him and would like to take the next step.
inserting this in here - on the phone with my best friend and hes like "shes soooo hot" and I said "thanks" and he was like "not you" - makes me wonder if Ill ever be that girl that someone says that about :(
btw- this same best friend calls his penis "Ana" as in anaconda - loser
So hes sitting here, on the phone with me, telling me how hot these women are that hes looking at on POF.com and I know he'll date the one whos gonna hurt him and not treat him well :( its hard to hear the guy your in love with and have been for a year+ talk about other women.
so I got my new bikinis in the mail today! love oldnavy!So my post last night was about WOW outfit last nite, an outfit that makes a guy wish he hadnt done you the way he did or just making your current guy realise how lucky he is to have you.
I believe that all women should have WOW outfits, 4 to be exact, one for each season. weather its a great pair of jeans and a nice top or a little black dress, the outfit should make you feel like $1,000,000
so last nite I was talking to TDH (ex bf) , this is a guy i dated for 5+ months and have known for 8+months and I asked him what outfit in my (larger) wardrobe stood out in his mind and the only thing he could come up with is the dress I wore at Christmas: this is a special occasion dress, and its the only thing he remembered! I was really hurt and felt sad because whenever we did I always made a major effort to look nice and wow him.
BTW- right now Im writing a pickup message to some girl the best friend has found on POF. he said hes finally found a girl thats fat & beautiful
Im like HELLO! im right here! Im fat & id love for you to admit that Im beautiful - just because I really value your opinion.
since this is the day that Michael Jackson passed away, I think this appropriate - I always loved this movie & song
good night all
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
omg - i just had like a 2 page blog written and it has just deleted itself :(
im too tired to re write it so Ill do it another day
as I lay here on my bed, with the AC on giving me a chill and the sun sinking down, I listen to songs that make me wana cry, laugh, and feel rejuvenated. These songs are all sung by strong, independent women who's life stories inspire us. These ladies include - Taylor Swift, Julianne Hough, Carrie Underwood & Kellie Pickler. Between these ladies & a few more, I can find a song that can help me undersatnd and relive most moments of my life.
But what has just occured to me is that when Im feeling low, or not having a good day, or when Im thrilled and happy, or really feeling anything like that, I turn to my car raido, or my iPod or youtube.com. I dont turn to my girlfriends because I really dont have any.
I have my sorority sisters, true - but I really dont know any of them very well
I have my few college girlfriends - but we're not all that close and when I do turn to them, they dont really seem to care, as they are too busy with their own lives.
I have my highschool friends - yes, we are still friends but not as close as we were. they have all sort of moved on without me
my family - my mom & my sis. ive never been close to my sister, but Ive been trying to in these last few years. My mom is just a very busy women so she doesnt have a lot of time to listen to me.
So my girls, my ladies are women known all over the world and their songs speak to me. I wonder if this is the case for anyone esle?
not sure if this is meant to be a daily thing - or only when you have something to talk about.
well heres what Im going to talk about in this blog -
EMT (the saga continues - from tiwtter) work - thoughts *insert shout out to Jacob here*
thats what Im listing to as I write out this blog :) love Taylor because all her songs speak to me and they all work right into my life.
so the EMT saga. this is a guy that Im really into - he just kinda gets me. hes very flirty and likes PDA but also falls in step with my family -teasing me and joking with everyone. he loves to travel and has major plans for his life. he wants to see the world, just like me.
and hes cute to boot and the kinda guy i go for, tall (6'4, 300+lbs of muscle - football player build)
but theres something unnerving about him - like hes hiding something behind his eyes. you look into them and you see a lot - hurt, pain, faith, hope, love, hate, passion, and adventure. I just wish I could read him and understand him - which is hard because hes a very closed person. Im hoping he will open up with time.
so i met him for the 1st time last friday & our first date lasted like 6+ hours. he even met my family that night. then I saw him sat & sun & mon, but not again till sat. Sat he came over for a swim (yummy swim suite memories). That was the same night as my ex boyfriend TDH (tall dark & handsome) came over. I had to ask EMT to leave after only an hour which I hated but TDH had driven 1.5 hours to come see me, so I couldnt send him home.
I dated TDH for 5+ months & it was great except for the distance thing - he was 4 hours away from me at school, and he was not into coming to visit me. we were good together but I was never sure it was a forever thing because we were so different. hes from a small city in N Ga, Ive spent my life traveling all over the world. he doesnt wana leave unless he gets married, I wana see the world asap. makes me sad that it didnt work but I just cant see myself settling down in a small town & being happy. I need an alpha male to sweep me off my feet & be the shrek to my Fiona. I dont think TDH is the right one for the job.
So I had a date with EMT sat night - but I didnt hear from him all day sunday & he stood me up that. This really upset me because the day before he was talking about dating in the future. So I was majorly bummed out but didnt make a major effort to contact him as not too look desperate. Then he didnt answer my 1 call I made to him monday - so I assumed he was just another ass hole who just didnt care and played me.
well last nite at 11.37pm he txted me this:
"hey beautiful im sorry I havnt had a chance to talk to u the past 2 days ive been busy as hell"
now - he does have a very close friend in the hospital and this was his first fathers day without his dad - so he had a ruff weekend. I called him and said I was glad to hear from him. I explained that I believed he was sorry and in time I would trust him - Im just jaded by so many exs that I cant do it right now. he seemed ok with that.
my question to you - my reader, is, is he worth another chance? 2 days really isnt that bad, and did man up and explain. If its a reoccurring thing - hes out the door.
so im giving him the benefit of the doubt & giving him another chance - hopefully this is a good idea.
Ill keep you posted about how it all works out. :)
well now that I have spent too much time blogging, my beautiful sunny pool is calling to me - so Im off to sunbath :)
"As some, but not all of you know, I got burned very badly by gas on sunday evening. I just wanted to put the entire story on here so people would know what happened.
Chase and his uncle Earnest were woking in the yard on Chases truck. I was inside studying and I decided to go and get some help on my lines. I walked outside and stood a few feet away from a partially full gas can. I watched as Earnest poured gas into the carborator to get the truck to run. The all of a sudden the truck backfired, causing a flame to jump out of the truck. It lit the excess gas on fire and also caught the small trail of gas from the truck to the gas can on fire. I was standing a few feet from the gas can when it caught fire and exploded, sending a splash of flaming gas onto my sneaker. My sneaker- being rubber and fabric, caught right away and the flame rose under my jean leg and proceed to burn about 4 inches up my leg above my ankle.
It took me a second to realize what was going on and when I did I freaked out. I began to run around as Earnest tried to pull my burning sneaker off my foot. By this time my skin had caught fire and I tried to stop drop and roll, but it didnt work becuase the gas and my skin we're feeding the fire too much.
Chase and Earnest both burned their hands trying to put my leg out, and thankfuly they succeded. I was then driven to Earnest's house where his wife Laura was waiting for me. She is a nurse. I thought she was going to put something cool on it and I would be fine, but as soon as she saw it, she said we needed to go to the ER. So I was rushed to the ER, sobbing in pain the entire way.
When I got there, they didnt even have me fill out a form, they rushed me into the hospital, took my vitals and put me in a hospital bed. I waited in that bed for a good 30 min in pain before a nurse came in and gave me some IB profin for the swelling and some very strong pain killers. Then the Dr came in, diagnosed it and left. I spent a grand total of 3 and a half hours in the ER, only being treated for maybe 30 min. The Kings Mountain Hospital is either under staffed or just far too slow.
So the end of the story is Im all right. Im in a lot of pain, but have plenty of pain pills. If you see me limping accross campus, say hey. It will make my day
I just got back from the nurse, who has now put me on crutches, major bed rest and heavier pain pills- lucky me"
wow - I wrote this on facebook a few years ago, and now I realise I lied. I lied to cover up the fact that my boyfriend set me on fire, hid the way he treated me.
wow - ill post more on this later - i need some time to think right now
so a big part of this blog is going to be about my dating life - because right now, its summer. i have a job but im more worried about boys. i kinda wish i wasnt like that - a lot of my high school girl friends who have just graduated from college havnt had boyfriends (that i know of). in a way Im glad Im not like that but I also envy the lack of tears they have spilled for stupid guys.
yes - i know the phrase "the only one whorth your tears wont make you cry" but i have yet to find a guy who didnt cause some kind of tears :(
i was just reminded by a txt (from a guy) that I have a twitter account - so if you like what you read here & want a more imediate update, follow me on twittwer ActressL2
http://twitter.com/actressL2
so guys - lets just go down a list of the guys Ive dated just to keep you up to date
philip - 1st boyfriend dated him at 19 for 6 months. he cheated on me 2x. now a GT grad & married
adam - 2nd boyfriend dated him for 3 weeks till he dumped me for the girl 4 doors down the hall of my college dorm
chase - 3rd & longest dated him for 2.5 years. abusive mentaly & physicaly. the "burn" story goes here, but thats another post for later
stephen - preachers son nice guy but he was like a dormat
Lee - only guy Ive met in person he was a bouncer at a bar close to my apartment. he used me for 6 months
michael - firefighter good ol country boy - used me & still tries to today
josh - poor no car, no cash, no home. guess he used me too
dominic - 2 kids lived in savannah & i did everything for him for 2months then he stoped calling
Ben - pharmacist really loved this guy, but he was older and couldnt handle a college gf :(
Casey - most recent ex best guy Ive ever dated but hes just so diffrent from me. hope for the future? maybe
Chris - college guy "dated" me for 3 weeks, then I went home for a weekend came back and he had a GF butthead also he crashed my car :(
Brandon - formal date really really liked this guy - seemed perfect but after formal & sex - he just stoped calling :(
which leads us to this summer: the summer of a million dates - I wish
Im single in the city, atlanta that is, & i figured Id make the most of it. posted updated profiles on POF.com & OKcupid.com
met a LOT of guys, like 15+ but none of them seemed right for me - & only a few have asked me out.
out of the masses, 2 guys have stood out. Jacob (who will be known as POLO) and Alan (EMT)
now that I have rehashed my entire dating life Im feeling kinda down, seeing all the losers Ive dated - so im gonna go have a swim & get back on here later
so here it is, my very first blog post. kinda scary - huh? that the world is now so everyone can put anything online and talk about it.
I always feel like I have a lot to say, but Im not so sure people are going to be interested in reading it - but I dont think that bothers me.
I guess we should start with some kind of introduction- Im Bridget. Im 22, & a student at Georgia Southern University. I grew up in Europe but have been in the US 8+ years. I live in statesboro most of the year, but I spend my school breaks in Atlanta with my family.
Im a horrible speller and I just noticed spell check - so if I can remember to use it, that shouldn't be too much of a problem :)
Im a middle grades edu major - though Im not sure thats the right path for me, Im so far into it I just cant see changing now. My dream job is to be a Disney wedding planner.
Im single ATM, & dating around. Truth is - Ive only dated 1 guy Ive met in person (a friend introduced us), everyone else I meet online.
A lot of this blog will prob be about my dating life - which until yesterday seemed not to bad.
Thats a story for another post & another time.
I wish I had something more exciting to say, or I knew what was supposed to go in one's first blog post - but I dont. I guess Im just typing from the heart
*I feel the need to add a disclaimer to this blog - lame as that may sound. I suffer from seaver depression, so some posts may be quite sad & dark. That's just part of who I am*
White Party Head over to DDS and check out her cute blog and enter her giveaway !
She is sweet, yet strong She sips her wine, yet gulps her beer She's polite, yet saucy She's refined, yet wild She wears bows... fishing She's a Southern Belle
