Losing A Friend

So a few months a go I meet an amazing new friend via twitter. we had like an instant connection and I loved talking to her. We finally made plans to meet and we got along like two peas in a pod, we had so much in common it was like finding a long lost bff. I spent most weekends with her either at her place or at my old apartment. We shopped, gossiped, she even helped me move out of my apartment & I sold her some of my furniture. It was kind of like having a sister that I could actually relate to. The only big difference is that she was married and I was all kinds of single.  At the time I was seeing someone, but she helped me realise he wasnt the guy for me and encouraged me to keep my chin up and keep looking.

It was a great friendship. We were in different places and I knew that, but I really liked having someone I could relate to and who could relate to me. She knew what it was like to date jerk after jerk, go to an all women's college, be a plus sized girl in a size 6 world. I really thought we had an awesome thing going, a friendship for the ages.

When she invited me to her house warming party I was so impressed! Her apartment was so grown up and I felt a little out of place, especially when I was the only single one there, but I put on my party face, encouraged her to take a shot and had a wonderful time. I made dirt cake and ate the best dip I had ever had! YUM!

At some point we had talked about doing a swap, and I organized the Staycation Swap. If you were a part of it you know what a total disaster it was. Boxes weren't shipped, stuff got lost, I was so unorganized it was horrible. I was short with all the swappers because only 2 or 3 people got their stuff out on time. During all this drama, her very good friends lost their son. I cant imagine the pain they were going through. I know she was hurting badly too. I had recently lost a very dear friend and I was still recovering from it.

This is where it all went to hell in a hand basket. I sent a very curt, and frankly rude email to her about her not sending out her swap box. I totally forgot what she was through. I did apologize later but the damage was done. She sent back a very hurtful email essentially saying it was hard for her to be friends with me because I was single and she was married. we had different priorities in life & I didn't understand where was was coming from because I had never been on my own before"

Needless to say I was really hurt. I knew I had been wrong to be so upset about a swap box, but I was trying to please all the swappers, not just one person.

Since that email things changed. I felt like I couldn't relate to her to talk to her because I wasn't in the same place. I was hurt because I felt like she saw me as lesser of a friend, as a worse person because I wasn't married. I felt like I had to apologize for who I was and the choices I had made.

What made it worse was she had a new twitter bff. A local women, who was married and had kids. Every time I got on twitter I would read their tweetes as they filled my news feed. I meet this new friend at the house warming party & thought she was nice, and I was really interested in being friends, but after the marriage comments I felt like she wouldn't want to be friends with a single girl. I was jealous of how close they were & I felt like I couldn't be a part of the friendship because I wasn't part of the "married club".

Then I had the wedding in St Marys and I was super busy stressing over all that drama with the MOH. I wanted to turn to her and ask advice, who better then a newly wed, but every time I would go to say something I would remember the email about how it was hard to be friends with a single person and I stopped.

Eventually I stopped following both women on twitter, it just hurt too much to see their conversations. I was mad & hurt and at some point I sent a not very nice DM. Part of me regrets it but the other part of me knows thats how I was feeling and I thought maybe she would see how much I was hurt.

Fast forward to today. A few months ago I was assigned to be her partner in a key chain swap. I ordered her a really cute keychain reminiscent of her wedding. Of course, I lost it for months and I finally found it. I told her I was shipping it asap and ask if she would send mine. She curtly replied she was waiting for mine as she had "lost my address". Maybe she had, but she could have emailed me, called me, tweeted me, seems like a lame excuse. The I clicked on her twitter and saw her & her new twitter bff trash talking me, saying I was trying to start drama when I simply asked about a stupid keychain.

It really hurt my feelings, knowing I was really hurt when our friendship ended to see her and someone else being so mean and hurtful. The same women had added me on facebook just a few days earlier trying to be all nicey nicey.

I just dont get it. This seems to happen to me all the time, I lose friends and am left wondering what the heck happened. I always seem to be willing to forgive and forget & move on but other people seem to think Im this drama queen monster bitch. I dont know how to fix it, or how to change because no one will tell me. I just feel more lost then when I started.