just another day in "paradise"

im laying here on my bed exausted. ive just spent the say being yelled at by everyone, including my boss & now my mother. I woke up at 5.45am to no txts or missed calles or anything. I guess EMT is over me & has moved on to someone better.

so I worked from 7-12.45 with no breaks. I stared my day feeling very ill, and very very tired. My body is just at a breaking point - I survive till the weekend which I spend crying. Not very good for your physical or mental health.

so after a very long, discouraging day at work I come home completly spent. I get no support at work from my boss and I feel like I just constantly do wrong. Im always getting told how parents are emailing my boss to complain about stuff & it always seems to be my fault. Im doing my best, pulling 12 hour shifts every time I can to help keep the business open. Yes - I get paid but just hearing a "thanks" would also mean a lot to me.

so Im literaly about to just break down and cry about all this. It really feels as though my life is falling apart & theres nothing I can do. I work hard but it seems like I never get to play or relax. My heart feels like its been stomped on yet again and my body is at a breaking point. I really dont know what to do. On top of all that Im looking for some babysitting to help pay the bills and offered to colunteer at church. maybe im too over extended but it help me to keep busy.

so I come home. & when I say home its really just the place I stay - i sleep here & eat here but other then that I hardly ever home because Im working so much. so today I come home and im literaly about to fall over, Im just so beat down. My moms in the kitchen & Im talking about work. shes not listening just doing that "ummm hmmmm" that moms do. so I head upstairs to have a rest (aka right now) & my brother is all "how was work" & Im like "it sucked - i was up at freeking 5.54am" & of course being my brother he has to one up me and say ive been up for work earlier.

you have to know my brother. he was the all star kid in highschool in sports and school, was the #1 senior according to the AJC, hes a sigma nue at wake forest & is gonna be a dr or something. super handsom, perfect girlfriend - hes just the kid everyone wants to be. Im sure hes nice to everyone but he always has to mke me feel not good enough with his comments.

of course I was planning to come upstairs and cry about my horrible day but that just pushed me over the edge. when u feel like I do it doesnt take much. so my mom feels the need to come in and yell at me about the whole thing and say i should quit and go back to my apartment in statesboro.

**sorry - just feel asleep typing**

just having an all around horrible, no good, very bad day