quick update

heres a quick update on my life:

ryan & I broke up

I'm living day by day

I'm getting into counseling and seeing a dr about depression medication

I'm looking for a new job

I'm starting an exercise program

I'm gonna stay away from facebook, blogger etc for the next little bit. or maybe I wont. I dont know right now.

I might turn this blog into my survival guide, who knows. all I know right now is if my mom has lived for her 39+ years and survived I can make it though the next 24 hours. and then tomorrow I'll work towards the next 24 hours and so on.

Im Back!!

Y'all I am so sorry I have been to absent here lately. October was one crazy month!

Last weekend my best friend became a MRS and so I've been up to my ears in wedding stuff. It happens. After the wedding, after quite a few drinks my parents & Ryan (who all attending the wedding) decided the words wedding & marriage were off limits for me for the next 2 months. Good thing they don't read my blog!

Here are some photos:

This is the bride to be with her shower gift from me

Us at the rehursal

The bride to be & her dad

After make up

Bride's Bitch & the Bride

MOH touching up makeup

Walk down the asile

First Kiss

The new Mrs Barker

Look at her dress!

Ryan & I

Leaving on their honeymoon

So thats where I've been the last month or so. Im currently looking for new jobs in atlanta. I have been applying to a few each night hoping for something. Im looking to go into the higher education field so if you have any tips or leads, let me know.

I am obsessed with the Post Secret app on my iPhone. LOVE it!

Ryan & I are doing well. He thinks Im crazy but now that wedding season is over life should calm down a bit.

I ordered an iPhone 4s! Thank G because my 3G is on its last legs. I am looking for a case though - I thought I saw one on a blog once. Its really pretty and there is a space for credit cards & ID in the back? if you know where to buy one please tell me!

Birthday Week

So thursday is my 25th birthday. I have been dreading this day for a while now. I guess I feel like 25 is old. I'm in a new age bracket - mid 20s. Its a little terrifying.

So here is my birthday week schedual -

Monday - normal work

Tuesday - normal work

Wensday - 1/2 day, driving to statesboro, Luke Bryan concert with Ryan

Thursday (my birthday) - early dr apt, spa day, dinner & taking myself to a movie

Friday - career services appointment, light shopping, lazy day.

Saturday - Abbi's bridal shower & GSU home game

Sunday - church & lunch with Abbi's family

I think I'm going to back some scrapbook stuff and take that with me because I think I'll have a fair amount of down time.

On a side note - Ryan almost got me one of these for my birthday:

thankfully I stopped him before he ordered one. no magnetic purse for me, but thanks. I had to smile. Ryan always says how high maintenance I am (which Im not) and yet he was gonna buy me one of these. I may buy my clothes on sale at Old Navy but I try & always carry a designer purse. 

Now after the success of Ryans surprise birthday party a very small part of me is hoping that he is planning something for me - just dinner with my friends. I know its not true, but a little piece of me wants to think that he would put that kinda effort into me. 

So any advice for this soon to be mid 20 year old? 

Birthday Wish List

Loved the 1st one!

iPhone 5 please come out asap!

So Cute!

iPad 3

My fav artist! 

That Sinking Feeling

You know that feeling right before you get sick? That almost sore throat, body feels crummy feeling, well that's me right now. Plus hungry, tired, and all around depressed. Lets just say I've had a not so awesome week and its only Tuesday.

Lets start with the sick feeling. Ryan txted me Sunday night & said he thought he was getting sick. Of course, my body picked up on his que and now I'm feeling under the weather.

Then its a Monday, or yesterday was. Last Monday of training. And guess who hasn't found a new job, I haven't even applied for one. truth is I have no idea how to even go about looking for a job. I figure Ill send my resume into any & all company HRs that I can think of. But there are so many companies out there I don't know. Ugh being a grown up sucks.

My 25th birthday is 16 days away and I couldn't be less excited. I'm not ready to change my age bracket, Not ready to be in my mid 20s, not ready to be the 25 year old who lives at home because she cant afford a place of her own. I'm not ready to be a huge disappointment.

My room is a mess. More like a hot mess. Like I need a cleaning crew to help me with it. Ive been so busy the last 5 months traveling, I cant remember the last time I even looked at my room other then to dump my suitcase & sleep. Ryan's coming on Friday & I want it to be perfect. I want to impress him. But I'm so overwhelmed I'm not sure if that's gonna happen.

My parents are in a mood. At least my mom is. Bitching & snipping. I just want to find somewhere to hide from her attitude, which is not possible because shes constantly emailing and txting me.

Weight watchers sucks. I haven't lost a pound. Not one. I also haven't gained which is good. But since the great debacle at the gym I'm too embarrassed to go back. I don't want to be heckled by the trainers because I couldn't afford them and they're workouts weren't working. I want to get in shape but I cant motivate myself, and I hate myself for it.

I need to unpack my car, do 3 more loads of laundry, plan this weekend, work out & eat something healthy tonight. And clean the dining room and the garage.

Sorry to be such a debbi downer.