Nom Nom Nom

So I'm doing a lot of reading these days, at work & driving. Between the 2 books a week I read at work and the 2 books on tape I listen to on the weekends, I'm running out of books to read! This is a problem! I need more books! I need you my wonderful readers to give me some tips on what I should read next!

Here are a few of the books I've read this summer...

This is up next

So Cute!

Love this series!

This is coming in the mail soon

Excellent!

So cute!

One of the best books I've ever read

Amazing! 

One the way

What are you reading? What can you recommend?

The Big L Word

dum dum dum dum dummmmmmm...

I bet you're thinking "awww, they said they love each other this weekend and shes about to blog all about it. Sorry to disappoint, that didn't happen. I think it might happen, in the next few months, but not yet. I'm still holding back on falling that hard, part of the "don't get hurt" again game plan.

No, the L word I'm referring to is LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

I realize its 3 words and not 1, but I figure if you've been reading my blog for a while you know that I take some creative licence with my posts.

So I'm going to come out and admit it.... kind of like a support group. I'm in a long distance relationship (from now on referred to as LDR) AGAIN

I know I have some readers who have been reading my blog since the beginning, like a year or 2 ago. & I have some readers who are my IRL friends and know more about me then I care to admit (you know who you are).  But I know most of my readers are new, and don't know me very well - trust me, your better off that way lol. But the simple fact is, 90% of my past relationships have been LDRs. I would date guys who lived in Atlanta while I was in college, who lived in Savannah (an hour away), or at least guys who lived 45 min away. The few times I dated a local guy it was over within weeks. 

And we all know how much of an epic fail moving to be with a guy was, AKA my last relationship, giving up everything (worst decision ever). 

So I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. I'd date someone local, someone I could see 3-4 times a week, go to trivia with, have date night, just hang out with on a random Tuesday. I tried to date local Atlanta guys, epic fail again (notice a pattern yet?). Heck there were dates I didn't even blog about because I was just too embarrassed to tell y'all that another one hadn't worked out. 

So after promising myself that I wouldn't do long distance, I go and meet Ryan. 

Looking cute for his best friend's wedding

Ryan lives in statesboro, 178 miles from my house to his, front door to front door. For the last month or so, every Friday has been get off work, fly down I75 to I16 and drive the 3.5 hours to get to spend just 2 measly days with him. Worth it, yes, exhausting, you have no idea. My room is a disaster, I haven't been to the gym in ages, my gas bill is out the roof, my car's a mess and I spend $15 a week on books on CD for the trip.

Don't get me wrong, I love being back in my college town, eating cheap food & Mexican and going to the beach. I love it. But I know I cant do it forever. I cant afford it, my car cant handle the miles and I'm gonna need some time to see my girl friends.

But what can I do? He's in the process of looking for a grown up job, but he hasn't heard anything. I pray every night that he gets a job in Atlanta. But hes applied all over the South East. And now if he doesn't get a grown up job he's going to take another 6 months of college courses 178 miles away. The perk is this fall for football season I'll have somewhere to stay & party, but I know I wont be able to go down there every weekend.

I'm truly worried he's gonna get a job in Jacksonville, or somewhere super far away. I just don't know if I can keep seeing him if he lives so far. I know from experience that when I live apart from my guy, a few things happen.
A. My interest wonders, I start looking for "platonic" male friends to fill the void
B. I start creating the relationship in my mind, sometimes to the point where I will fall in love with the idea of him that I create, but then I get disappointed when he doesn't live up to my prince charming fantasy.



I dont want to break up with him, I really like him. He's just so kind, and caring and attentive and he makes me laugh and thinks I'm just beautiful. He introduces me to his friends and is proud to be seen with me. He likes my goofy friends and is excited to meet my family. He doesn't mind that I'm a southern Yankee. This is not the kind of guy that you come across often, but I'm still worried about getting hurt, again. I spent 8 months alone just trying to get over 5 years of heartbreak. I'm not ready to get hurt again.

I wonder, how far is too far? How did you keep your long distance romance alive? What should I do? 

LOVE my followers

Just a super quick post to say thank you for all the kind words and notes! Y'all are just so amazing. I was a little surprised by the comments I got on my last post because they were all on my side, saying I was trying by best & maybe I need to just let some people go. I was almost expecting people to tell me how mean I was being or something.

I wrote that post to get my feelings out but also to try and reach out to the person who the whole story was about. Needless to say, reading her twitter today and her friends twitter confirmed that she isn't the friend I thought she was. I guess she saw my post as a "pity party" when it was intended to be an "olive branch - I'm really sorry" post. At this point I'm going to send her her keychain, with a letter that I doubt I'll get a response to. Part of me still wants to send an email to say sorry again, but then theres the part of me that sees her just bashing me on twitter and being really horrid if I was to try such a thing.

I should be packing for yet another drive to statesboro this weekend. There's just something about this face that makes me want to fly 200 miles down a highway just to see him for 2 days

 

Losing A Friend

So a few months a go I meet an amazing new friend via twitter. we had like an instant connection and I loved talking to her. We finally made plans to meet and we got along like two peas in a pod, we had so much in common it was like finding a long lost bff. I spent most weekends with her either at her place or at my old apartment. We shopped, gossiped, she even helped me move out of my apartment & I sold her some of my furniture. It was kind of like having a sister that I could actually relate to. The only big difference is that she was married and I was all kinds of single.  At the time I was seeing someone, but she helped me realise he wasnt the guy for me and encouraged me to keep my chin up and keep looking.

It was a great friendship. We were in different places and I knew that, but I really liked having someone I could relate to and who could relate to me. She knew what it was like to date jerk after jerk, go to an all women's college, be a plus sized girl in a size 6 world. I really thought we had an awesome thing going, a friendship for the ages.

When she invited me to her house warming party I was so impressed! Her apartment was so grown up and I felt a little out of place, especially when I was the only single one there, but I put on my party face, encouraged her to take a shot and had a wonderful time. I made dirt cake and ate the best dip I had ever had! YUM!

At some point we had talked about doing a swap, and I organized the Staycation Swap. If you were a part of it you know what a total disaster it was. Boxes weren't shipped, stuff got lost, I was so unorganized it was horrible. I was short with all the swappers because only 2 or 3 people got their stuff out on time. During all this drama, her very good friends lost their son. I cant imagine the pain they were going through. I know she was hurting badly too. I had recently lost a very dear friend and I was still recovering from it.

This is where it all went to hell in a hand basket. I sent a very curt, and frankly rude email to her about her not sending out her swap box. I totally forgot what she was through. I did apologize later but the damage was done. She sent back a very hurtful email essentially saying it was hard for her to be friends with me because I was single and she was married. we had different priorities in life & I didn't understand where was was coming from because I had never been on my own before"

Needless to say I was really hurt. I knew I had been wrong to be so upset about a swap box, but I was trying to please all the swappers, not just one person.

Since that email things changed. I felt like I couldn't relate to her to talk to her because I wasn't in the same place. I was hurt because I felt like she saw me as lesser of a friend, as a worse person because I wasn't married. I felt like I had to apologize for who I was and the choices I had made.

What made it worse was she had a new twitter bff. A local women, who was married and had kids. Every time I got on twitter I would read their tweetes as they filled my news feed. I meet this new friend at the house warming party & thought she was nice, and I was really interested in being friends, but after the marriage comments I felt like she wouldn't want to be friends with a single girl. I was jealous of how close they were & I felt like I couldn't be a part of the friendship because I wasn't part of the "married club".

Then I had the wedding in St Marys and I was super busy stressing over all that drama with the MOH. I wanted to turn to her and ask advice, who better then a newly wed, but every time I would go to say something I would remember the email about how it was hard to be friends with a single person and I stopped.

Eventually I stopped following both women on twitter, it just hurt too much to see their conversations. I was mad & hurt and at some point I sent a not very nice DM. Part of me regrets it but the other part of me knows thats how I was feeling and I thought maybe she would see how much I was hurt.

Fast forward to today. A few months ago I was assigned to be her partner in a key chain swap. I ordered her a really cute keychain reminiscent of her wedding. Of course, I lost it for months and I finally found it. I told her I was shipping it asap and ask if she would send mine. She curtly replied she was waiting for mine as she had "lost my address". Maybe she had, but she could have emailed me, called me, tweeted me, seems like a lame excuse. The I clicked on her twitter and saw her & her new twitter bff trash talking me, saying I was trying to start drama when I simply asked about a stupid keychain.

It really hurt my feelings, knowing I was really hurt when our friendship ended to see her and someone else being so mean and hurtful. The same women had added me on facebook just a few days earlier trying to be all nicey nicey.

I just dont get it. This seems to happen to me all the time, I lose friends and am left wondering what the heck happened. I always seem to be willing to forgive and forget & move on but other people seem to think Im this drama queen monster bitch. I dont know how to fix it, or how to change because no one will tell me. I just feel more lost then when I started.

"Domestic Goddess"

If there is one thing  I can say without a doubt, is that I am not a domestic goddess. I do not like to clean, or tidy up, I don't like chores or organizing. This has always been a bit of a sore spot with ex boyfriends, as they wanted someone to look after them as well as their home. I was not that girl. Maybe a load of laundry from time to time, but thats about it. I'm more of a "work hard to afford to hire a maid" type then a "clean it myself and be a stay at home wife type". Just like my mom.

I can cook and I love to cook when I'm in the mood, but thats normally only after watching Top Chef & then I just go crazy in the kitchen. I do love to bake though. But when it comes to actually planning a meal, I suck. I just get overwhelmed and then in the middle of cooking I get distracted or bored and lose interest. But this weekend, in the theme of impressing Ryan & showing him that I can cook, I'm going to make a 3 course meal.

Heres the issue, I have NO idea what to make. Most of my specialists are big meals for 5-6 people (used to feeding a boyfriend & all his roommates) & most of the stuff I make is winter kinda food.

I need help y'all. I need a light, summer meal (it'll be in the 90s this weekend) thats not too hard, really yummy and can be made in a small kitchen.

I ordered this book but Im worried it wont come in time and I refuse to pay double the price to buy it at the Barns & Noble around the corner. I'm going to call the local library & see if they have a copy.

Do you have a recipe you swear by that totally impresses guys? Please help this un-domestic goddess out!