Life Lessons

So I've been dating Ryan for about 4 months and its been wonderful, except of course, for the long distance thing. That sucks. I've never spent a Tuesday or Wednesday with him and only a few hours on a Thursday once. Its weird to think about. Knowing how much I like him, but I don't know what its like to kiss him on a Tuesday. It scares me a little bit. A lot of things about the relationship are scaring me. Maybe I'm just crazy but maybe not. I just keep getting flashes from my ex boyfriends, past relationships and I see myself repeating the same things.

This weekend I asked Ryan what he wanted from his life, what his life dreams were. He didn't hesitate, he knew exactly what he wanted. He wants a good paying job, a house somewhere in the south, a wife and a few kids, 2 vacations a year and to live comfortably. He knows when he's done with school in Dec, he knows what field he's going into and he knows hes gonna enjoy his work.

When he said that I saw flash backs of so many of my exs. They all said something similar. And they're all married. They married southern, home town kinda girls. Girls with deep roots and domestic skills, girls who wanted to have kids by 26 and dreamed of a mini van.

These are what I call backyard, neighborhood dreams. They are dreams, but they are very white picket fence, and so settled.

I start to hyperventilate when I think about this. I just.... I dream bigger. I want to visit Australia, go surfing Christmas morning, I want to meet the Dali lama, I want to see a penguin in its natural habitat, I want to make real red sauce in Italy, I want to take a vodka shot in Russia for David, I want to live overseas again, follow my aunts footsteps through Greece. I want to live a big, full life. I want to have a house and kids too but not soon. I want to run wild, learn everything I can. I want to take a big chuck out of life. back back through Europe, volunteer in china.

Once Ive lived as much as I can, I wanrt to settle down & start a family. Hopefully move them to europe or africa or new zeland and let them grow up in a diffrent culture like i did.

But i realise that Im almost 25 and Im not getting any younger. I dont have a lot of time to do all this, or maybe I do. But these things dont even light a spark in Ryan, he doesnt have any interest in doing thissort of thing.

Now Im not gonna let someone else stop me from doing what I want to do, but theres a part of me asking why bother staying with him if we are so damn different. I left the other guys who wanted what he eanted & now they're happily married.

Another thing that I see from past relationships happening again, is me falling harder for him then he has for me. Where he was quick to fall in love & I was a little slower with the falling in love part. But now he's slowing down, withdrawing where as Im settling in for a long term relationship. I guess Im wondering if this is just a fun summer fling. Maybe Im looking way to much into this, but I just feeling like im doing what Ive done a thousand times, lining myself up for heart break. I'll be much more invested then he is and when it doesn't work out Ill get hurt.

I want to throw the breaks on my feelings, slow down, back up even. Just regain my footing and hold off for a while. Im afraid to get super attached. I don't want to put all my cards on the table, I want him to have to chase me, because I can already see the thrill of the chase is wearing off and he's getting comfortable.

One lesson I am taking from past relationships is Im not spilling everything to him. I'm not using his as my only confidente. Im trying to not open up to him about a lot of person stuff at all, because Ive learned that thats the kind of emotional luggage men don't want.

Am I doing the right thing trying to learn from my past? or should I be looking at this entire thing with a clean slate?

Bachelorette Take 2

Well if your any sort of avid reader of this corner of the internet you remember all the drama that came from the 1st bachelorette & wedding shower I tried to plan. Where I spent $400 on it and it was a total flop. Yes. Epic fail.

Well thanks to this lovely soon to be bride, I will be planning my 2nd bachelorette party. This one is going to be very different!

A. No co-hosting
B. Budget - $200
C. Smaller guest list of people we know
D. Guests will help pay for the party

These are my rules and Im sticking to them! I hope!

So since I have a lot of stuff left over I wont be buying a lot more. I am going to order these:

All the green is going to be purple, the brides favorite color. Its gonna be the theme of the entire bachelorette party, Wild Night Out

We're going to have it in Savannah on River street so we can go to our favorite bars:

Club One - Gay bar! One word - DRAG SHOW

Dueling Piano Bar

Wet Willies

The Big W

for

yes I joined weight watchers. I signed up for a free week online but Im thinking next pay check (aug 16) I will go and join the meetings. because now more then ever I want to lose weight. My bff is getting married in 2 months (ekkk!) and I want to look good in my dress.

So my deadline to drop some pounds is Oct 22, 2011.

any tips for me? I downloaded the app on my iphone and Im gonna track what I eat at my desk (cant have my phone at my desk). Ive already noticed that today Im way over the points which is not good!

Engaged!!

now if your reading this standing up, you might want to sit down.

not check your pulse, everything ok?

so you know how Ryan couldnt come this weekend?

well tonight I was in the kitchen and someone knocked on the back door.

to my shock there was Ryan! Down on one knee! Proposing!

I said Yes!!!

ok so who fell for this story? can you say gullible? 

I am not engaged, not even close, but this beautiful couple is!

sorry, facebook wont let me steal a pic :(

Bu this is the pic I got from the bride to be!!

How cute? They met on a dating site, and he messaged her because they had the exact same photo of themselves at the sundial - a really nice restaurant in atlanta. 

Congrats to Abbi & Clay! 

This Weekend

This is me most weeks. I work M-F just to make it to the weekend where I can see Ryan and be away from the craziness that is atlanta. This week I was really looking forward to the weekend because he was coming to visit! Going to meet my parents, visit my city, meet my friends. But he called on tuesday and said he couldnt make it :(

So Ive been dreading this weekend all week. I have nothing to do, no fun plans, no nothing. But Im trying to make the best of it. Ive given myself a few things to do - 

 First thing is in the morning Im going here:

To get someone to fix my phone, because it says this:

And of course my boy genius of a boyfriend is too busy to even IM me and help me out. Im praying its a easy and free fix because Im broke and I cant afford a new phone any time soon :(

Then Im off to this amazing place - a 15 mile drive! to get a paper cutter thing that Ive been saving for for a few weeks. Im hoping it will improve my crafts.

The tomorrow night my friend is doing this show and Im going to go and support him, plus Ive never seen it and its a musical so hopefully it will lift my spirits. 

Sunday Im going out with Brandon (Brews_Bowties) for his birthday. This isnt really set in stone, fact is I dont expect him to show up, but you never know. 

In the mean time this weekend will be 

Sleep

Sleep

and more sleep